Spice Market Buffet (Planet Hollywood -- Strip)

People are eager to crown this the new buffet king. It is very good, and definitely right up there with Bellagio, Paris and Wynn. It runs over $20 for dinner. Genuine prime rib, peeled shrimp, crab legs, sushi (with ass-kicking wasabe) fill out the seafood area. There is rack of lamb, dim sum, and some real middle-eastern dishes like Tabboulleh and tart black olives. For dessert, the pastries are hard to beat, and that's in addition to the bread pudding and peach cobbler for the American traditionalists. The big hit is dessert crepes made to order. Oh, the fresh fruit has us drooling as we write this. Oh, wait, sorry, that's our medication. One bad feature to the buffet is that it's not laid out well and waits can be long for some food areas.

The Buffet at Bellagio (Bellagio -- Strip)

The highest-quality buffet in town, but with very high prices. If you ever wanted roast duck and weird mushrooms as part of your buffet, this is the joint for you. Lunch is the best deal. If you're going to spend this much for dinner, the best buffet food in the world won't match up to a good entree at a normal restaurant. The desserts are superb, however, especially the chocolate cakey thing that's crunchy and powdery. That's the official name, we think. We'll be the guys stealing paper towels from the bathroom. Beware, they call the food "gourmet" on the weekends so they can raise the rates even higher.

The Buffet (Golden Nugget -- Downtown)

One of the two best buffets Downtown. For the other and larger, go to Main Street Station. Sunday is the champagne brunch, where you can get loaded on cheap, sweet hooch while downing eggs and pancakes.

Bay Side Buffet (Mandalay Bay -- Strip)

It's a good buffet but it's also pricey. This is not one of the best but it is better than average. It's a little smaller than Paris, but it's also much less crowded and lines are shorter. The desserts are on par with the top notch stuff, (except for the heavenly delights at Bellagio). The Bay Side Buffet has a spectacular view of the pool.

Wynn Buffet (Wynn -- Strip)

Just about spot-on average smong the upscale buffets, with the added bonus of a very pretty room. That is to say, it's way better than the lower end crud, but this is not a reinvention of the buffet. There are nice touches, such as sushi and good steaks. The desserts are fantastic, especially the layer cake. and some of the shellfish are better than elsewhere.

Burger Palace (Imperial Palace -- Strip)

On the second floor, they serve up good and cheap burgers. It's right next door to the sports book.

Terrible Mike's (The Orleans -- Off-Strip)

It's cheap, good and greasy fast food. It's better than most, but not as good as In-n-Out down the street. The joint is named after Mike Gaughan, the owner, who might actually be terrible. We don't know.

Canters Deli (Treasure Island -- Strip)

Like the LA original, the service is rude but, man, is the deli food good. In particular, the Jewish delicacies are topnotch. We recommend the soups and the extra-thick sandwiches. Be careful, this place looks nothing like the shabby LA location; it's all high-tech fancy-shmancy curves, whites and grays. And that just feels weird for a Jewish deli.

Sidewalk Cafe (Bally's -- Strip)

Like a regular cafe, with a slightly Asian twist. They serve up breakfasts, sandwiches and salads. Most items run less than $10 and it's open 24 hours.

Market Street Cafe (California -- Downtown)

It's one of our favorite coffee shops, although the service can be slow. The food is good and the prices are right. For breakfast, try the tasty French toast or eggs benedict. They also have Hawaiian and Chinese specialties. Some dishes come with a side of Spam. They also offer a buffet for breakfast.

Picasso (Bellagio -- Strip)

Oo la la, this meditarranean restaurant is so fancy it makes us blush just knowing we're even in the same city. Genuine Picasso paintings stick to the walls, while genuine Picasso-priced food sticks to your ribs. Most of the meals are served on a fix prixe basis. This joint is for folks who are really, really trying to impress someone. We hope you want to impress us sometime soon.

Eiffel Tower Restaurant (Paris -- Strip)

Very good French food eleven stories above the Strip and just about the most expensive joint in town. This is the fanciest and most "romantic" restaurant at Paris, and you have to dress accordingly. They serve traditional French cuisine. Make reservations in advance and try to be there for sunset. If you just want to eat even higher up in the air, there are the Rio Voodoo Cafe and the Stratosphere Top of the World restaurant.

Top of the World (Stratosphere -- Strip)

This is one of the most expensive restaurants in Las Vegas. It is at the top of the Stratosphere Tower, so the views are spectacular. The food is very good, but not as outstanding as other gourmet restaurants. Everything comes a la carte, meaning if you order a steak, you pay an extra $5 for the potato, and then more for the vegetables and dessert. It can be very romantic, and if you really want to impress someone, book a reservation for sunset and watch the valley twinkle in the twilight. If you want a good deal, though, check out the lunch menu here, which starts just over $10 and includes a free ride up the tower. The view's nicer at night, because during the day you see all the smog hanging over the valley, but we can't afford to be picky.

Zefferino (Venetian -- Strip)

Fancy pants Italian seafood, including a wide range of shellfish in creamy and cheesy sauces. This is pretty amazing food, actually. It's ranked way up there with the best, but like everything else in this dang Venetian, it doesn't qualify as cheapo. The lunch special costs $20, or apprximately what we pay for a week's worth of Mac and cheese. The adjoining bistro "Tintoretto" has meals as low as $11 and "outdoor" seating.

Michael Mina Bellagio (Bellagio -- Strip)

The seafood house is open for dinner only and is very fancy. It's located in the Bellagio's conservatory, which means flowers and plants to look at if the person you're dining with is boring or ugly. A five-course prixe fixe is under $125, unless you don't eat meat. Then it's not quite as expensive (or delicious).