Whenever we think of off-strip places that cater to locals, we usually picture retirees enjoying a buffet followed by a couple hours of video poker and then an early bedtime. Well, not all locals are in their 70s, and this place sets out to please those that are only "nearly" 70. It's as luxurious as the nicer Strip resorts, without all the hassles or pleasures of being on the Strip. It's also a long way from the action, so we wouldn't recommend it for people looking for that true "Vegas" experience.
Room Quality: The rooms are the standard for "upscale but not too upscale." They are the same space as most of the oversized rooms in town at 450 s.f. They excel in two areas, the first being the quality of materials. The carpets are rich, the bedding is plush, the furniture is solid wood and the pictures on the wall don't have any scrawled graffiti yet. The colors are typical beige with a few darker colors. Really, these are very pretty rooms to look at, and very reminiscent of the ones at the JW Marriott. Rooms come with a king or two queens. All have writing desks with high-speed Internet access for an extra fee. The other place the rooms excel is in the amenities, which include safes, mini-bar fridges (everything costs dough), irons and the equally important ironing boards, full closets, hairdryers, coffee makers, alarm clocks with CD players and 2-line phones. The bathrooms have separate glass showers and deep tubs and there are a couple of robes in the room so you can throw one on and run down to the casino to put 50 bucks on Red 17. CAUTION: Beware of outrageous mandatory "amenity fees" that will be tacked on to your room rate.
Service Quality: It's an odd mix of outstanding on the hotel side and adequate on the casino side. The hotel is first class all the way, but the casino is not as upscale and does not score the same high marks. It caters to middle-aged locals.
What You Get Bottles of in the Bathroom: Nice little bottles of the usual cleaning supplies, including the shampoo, separate conditioner (for scandalous lustrousness), lotion and bath gel. Also, there is the second prize of freebies, the shoe mitt, and a little glass jar of Q-tips and cotton balls.
Clientele: The hotel is the luxury-sedan crowd, mostly late 40s and above in the rooms. The casino caters to locals and young hipsters. It's a bizarre and uneasy mix. If you're older and living comfortably you'll feel right in the hotel but out of sorts in the young and restless casino, and vice-versa.
How's the Pool? Fantabulous! They have a sand beach in the too-warm main pool, which has a bridge overhead and lots of very comfortable chaise lounges and big square mattresses (get there early if you want one) around it. There are also some white plaster hutches with mattresses, pillows and built-in TVs beside the pool, where you can snuggle under the stars. A long row of pricey cabanas are lined up along a long, narrow wading pool. The biggest downer (besides the crappy overpriced margaritas) is that they close it way too early in the evening (7 p.m. and 6 p.m. last time we were there). There is lots of open space and grass and the glass-enclosed spa where you can watch rich people get facials, or have the poor people watch you. Oh yeah, they also have a European-style (that means topless!!!) pool in a secluded area for those willing to drop a lot of money.
Table Games: They deal blackjack, craps, roulette, Pai Gow, Let it Ride, Three Card poker and mini-baccarat. The whole casino area feels very much like a Station Casino, and is not anywhere near as elegant as the rest of the property. Single-deck blackjack pays a lousy 6:5, so skip it.
Bet Minimums: Blackjack is $5 when slow, as is craps, roulette is a $1 chip/$5 minimum on a two-zero wheel. Blackjack has the typical lousy Station Casinos rules, certainly not worth driving out here for. Craps has only 3-4-5x odds available. Baccarat is a ritzy $10 a hand. In other words, if you don't want to rub elbows with us, play baccarat.
Machines: Loads of dollar machines, lots of new video slots and many of the machines spit out those paper receipts that you can cash in for money at the change booth. The lamest part of that is how the machines make a phony coin dropping sound, as though they are saying "Here is what you should hear." We found a decent selection of full pay video poker.
Cocktails? Fair. The place has that Station Casino mentality of "Oh, we better not get people drunk because we don't want them crashing into our palm trees." Well, we've got news for them: we're not all the designated driver.
Who Gets Comps? Green action starts the bidding for meals. Even black action isn't going to score a room, unless you play at least eight hours a day. The Slot Club is the Station Casinos' Boarding Pass, a truly mediocre to slightly crummy slot club.
China Spice: For the most part, this is pretty typical Chinese. It's not as spicy as the name suggests, but the menu is fresh and comprehensive enough to please most everyone. Want a little extra spice? Just ask for a few more peppers mixed in.
Feast Buffet: A very good, but boring buffet, just like at every other Station Casino. It is not a fancy buffet, just a meat and potatoes one with ribs, chicken, cheap steaks, some seafood and lots of pretty good desserts. The prices are right, with a pricier upscale weekend brunch that includes a big ol' heaping of seafood on Sundays. Well, that higher brunch price makes sense, right? Brunch is, after all, the smushing together of both breakfast and lunch.
Hank's: This is the fancy steakhouse at Green Valley. They claim themselves famous for steaks and martinis, though if you have enough of the latter they could serve you horse meat and you wouldn't know. The menu is sort of California steakhouse, with a a load of seafood. It is ridiculously expensive, and very chi-chi inside. Open dinners only.
Original Pancake House: If this place was half as cool as the little cartoon chef on its logo, we'd move in and live under one of the booths. Lucky for them, it's not. It's a better than average coffee shop that claims to be the original pancake house, but is clearly not the original bacon house, or even the original egg house. Most days it's only open for breakfast and lunch.
Sushi + Sake: Standard sushi. For the best, try Nobu at the Hard Rock. But if you are out this way and you don't want one of the city's fine sushi buffets, this is a decent, if pricey, option. They have a sushi buffet in the early evening weeknights for around $35.
Terra Verde: The name translates to Green Earth, but don't worry, they are aren't going to serve you a pile of dirt with some food coloring. The restaurant serves up fairly traditional Italian, including pizzas, and has a big-ass wine selection. Open for dinners.
Tides Oyster Bar: This place is like a combination sports bar and oyster bar. Lots of southern seafood dishes, including po' boys and raw oysters. On the walls are big screens for seeing which ballplayer is popping the most steroids.
Turf Grill: Primarily, this place serves coffee shop style sandwiches, like hamburgers, cheesesteaks and clubs. The great thing is they open really early so you can get your cheeseburger for breakfast.
The fast food joints lining one wall include overpriced food and beverage from The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf, Tropical Smoothie Café, Panda Express, Fatburger, Village Pizza and Wing Stop.
Drop Bar: If your turtleneck is clean and you're happy with how that goatee is growing in, you will fit in at this ridiculousy overbaked concept bar. It's a round bar in the center of the table game pit, with a thin veil separating it from the unhip gamblers. The chairs and sofas are more from the they-look-cool school than the comnfortable one. Drinks are overpriced, but there are lots of attractive people in their twenties hanging out.
Grand Events Center: The concerts here are not cutting edge. They aren't always exactly mainstream, either. It's a mix of older alternative acts like Joe Jackson and just plain older acts like Kenny Loggins, who just may fly into the danger zone,so those of you in the first three rows watch out!
Movie Theaters: They have ten screens for your viewing pleasure here at the Regal GVR 10. Pay once, sneak into all ten. Bring your own snacks, too.
Movie Theaters: Ten screens deliver the latest Hollywood pablum in brilliant color and spine-tingling sound.
Ovation: This 400-seat club appeals to the classic rock and country crowds with acts like Rick Springflied and Montgomery Gentry. In short, the club is nice, but the acts play it safe.
Number of TVs: Five big screens and 33 smaller plasma screens ring the sports book ceiling. Plus, twelve more screens in the bar area.
Number of Seats: About 44 leather seats that are all very comfortable. Plus, about 160 race seats with individual TVs, which just goes to show that the rich just keep on getting richer. The VIP area has 33 seats, which means GVR thinks there are only 33 people good enough to sit there.
How Many Betting Windows? About 15 total for the sports and pony boys and girls. Slate boards for race and sports.
Free Drinks? The cocktail waitresses seem to come through fairly often.
Snack Bar? Yes, food is available from the Turf Grill. Go ahead and order and blow what you just won by putting $2 on the favorite to show.
Minimum Wager: $5 sports, $2 for racing.
Other Notes: It's a really nice book overall, but sort of quiet and mostly a draw for older locals.
Number of Tables: There are 22 tables, with as many as a dozen going on weekends. Usually, it's fewer, especially on weekdays. The poker room is located almost square in the sports book and there are enough TVs around that management probably wouldn't notice if you took one home with you.
Comfort of Chairs: Oh, goodness. Thick padded red leather chairs. Now the cows have to die for our poker jones?
Closed Room or Open to Casino? No, in fact it's right next to the sports book. It's elevated, but still plenty loud. The good news is there's plenty of room.
Game Spreads and Limits: Texas Hold Em in both limit ($2-$4 up to $6-$12) and no limit flavors ($1-$2 up to $5-$10) and a fairly frequent Omaha game at $4-$8.
How Crowded is the Room? It can get pretty busy on weekends. It is located out in the suburbs and you'll find a lot of seniors in here, even on weekdays. On weekends, however, a younger, looser and more aggressive clientele moves in, especially to the NL games.
Comps? The very standard $1 per hour of play. Whoop de doo.
How Good Are the Players? A mixed bag. Some of the locals have been playing badly for 30 years and will continue to play badly. Some are rocks just grinding it out, and they might make it tougher for you. Weekend crowds are easier to beat.
What Else Do I Need to Know? The room in general gives off the vibe of Michelob's Amber Bock beer. That is, they dress it up all serious, but it's really pretty generic. If you don't like sports or sports fans, much better rooms await you.
Where? Southeast of the Strip
Who owns it? Station Casinos
Ostensible Theme: Alas, Green Valley is merely the name of a Las Vegas suburb- there’s not even a greenish valley for hundreds of miles. However, according to the decorators of this Station Casino, Green Valley isn’t a dusty brown burg at the base of the foothills, but swanky wine country a la Napa Valley.
Clientele: The nightclubs and pool area shout “Swinging Young Hipster,” while the casino décor screams “Swinging Retiree.” I spotted an advertisement for Green Valley’s 55+ Club right next to one for Whisky Sky; it’s a Battle Royale between blue-haired old biddies and sulking, prepubescent supermodels. The retirees seem to be winning.
Employee Costumes: The cocktail waitresses wear outfits that manage to be understated (little black dresses) and trollopey (bare midriffs) at the same time.
Carpet and Other Decor: The tan, Mediterranean-style façade is punctuated with arched windows and large palms. This sprawling villa is exactly the type of building one might see in the opening credits of a night-time soap- very “Falcon Crest.”
The interior, however, evokes a more placid, pastoral setting. A misty mural depicting neat patchwork meadows sets the tone for the inevitable blue sky ceilings and overbearing silk flower arrangements to follow. In order to cultivate that al fresco atmosphere, dark wooden support beams crisscross against the aforementioned “sky.” However, just in case visitors become complacent, danger in the form of skull-crushingly heavy hanging lanterns lurks around every corner.
One more example of the Green Valley Ranch’s high luxury quotient is the padding underneath the carpet. Why, it’s like walking on a cloud- a maroon cloud with frolicking gold and green leaves, of course.
The gaming tables sit beneath arched ceilings decorated with a neo-Gothic vine motif. The Drop Bar, which is planted smack in the middle of the table game area, has similar ornamental vines drooping and draping all over its naves. More curlicue vines, this time rendered in iron, separate the cashiers from the riff-raff outside. It looks like William Morris came in and barfed all over the room (I mean that in a good way!).
An associate of mine tells me that the restrooms are mostly beige, with décor that continues the botanic motif found in the rest of the casino. Luxurious touches include paper towels folded into fancy shapes (the dream of every wannabe millionaire, I know) and sweet-smelling soap.
Background music primarily features the mellow stylings of various female singer-songwriters, although I did hear the theme from “Friends” at one point.
The warm earth tones and organic motifs inside the casino have little to do with the pool area, which is Palm Springs modern, with lots of concrete and reflecting pools. And just like that desert resort, there’s lots of room for lounging here. Sure, lots of casinos feature a sandy beach, and row upon row of chaises. But who else puts beds by the water? These beds are tall, white boxes with open sides and enough cushions to choke Martha Stewart. And there’s a television set into one wall. It all sounds very relaxing, but I just worry about the trouble former occupants might have gotten into.
From anywhere in the pool area, visitors can gawk at the spa, a glass cube with a cataract of water rushing down one side. Another interesting touch is the rows of grape vines behind the casino. Will they have their own wine label at Green Valley Ranch?
Food: All the old favorites are in the food court (pizza, burgers, ice cream) but be prepared to pay for glamorous brand names a la chichi Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. Once you obtain your oh-so-glamorous sandwich, you can sit in the café-style seating between the food court and the machines.
Entertainment: Besides the much-vaunted clubs, Drop Bar and Whiskey, Green Valley Ranch has a movie theater like the rest of its Station brethren. So, if, like us, you’re not elegant enough to hang with the beautiful people, you can hide in the darkness of the theaters. Or, for the more athletic guest, there are bocce ball and tennis courts. Or, for the voyeur, there’s always peeping into those poolside beds!
Did it work?: The casino is just a casino, but the pool area really looked fresh and different. I just hope they can keep it maintained. Reflecting pools and sand don’t mix!
Suggestions: It’s all very tasteful, but taste doesn’t necessarily attract the young. |
